Anyway, a while ago, I wrote about this guy and this girl that he was kinda sorta going out with and how I thought that maybe the reason why it was so hard for me to get over him was because I thought that it was some sort of sign that God was giving me, telling me to hold on because sooner or later he'd realize that we belonged together....

Well, today I kind of realized that maybe He wasn't doing that at all.  That girl that lived in Indonesia moved out here while I was away during the summer [I knew she was coming, but I didn't think it'd be that soon..]  and I found out that he liked her and she liked him and apparently he was head over heels for her but she can't date yet, even thought she's 18.  So the guy that I've liked for EIGHT freaking years is deciding to wait for her until her dad says that it's okay.  So right now, they're dating, but they're not in a relationship. 

I don't really understand the difference, I always thought they were the same thing...  but anyway, today I was at this birthday party get together thing at his house, and before we ate, we prayed, and when I opened my eyes, I glanced over at him and their fingers were linked... which is no big deal if you're not someone who is really into him and all that.  A few weeks ago I wrote him a letter that I have no intention of him getting, I thought I'd write down EVERYTHING I was feeling and at the end I said that even if I was wrong about him being 'the one', I'd still be happy for him no matter what and I wished him the best in everything he did.

I want to be happy for him and I know I should, it's just, when you've liked a person for so long, and you know it's never going to work out, it's kind of hard to let that person go.  But I think today has made me realize and it's finally time to move on.  No more putting my life on pause for a boy who's never going to see how much he really means to me.  There's obviously someone else out there that I'm meant to be with, I'm just being a little impatient. So, as depressing as today has been, I think it's also been an eye-opener. It's given me a chance to let go and see what else is out there..