Joke Of The Day

domesticelefant · 12 Sep 07 :: 18:41

Hahaha!

Chnyst · 27 Sep 07 :: 06:19

domesticelefant · 27 Sep 07 :: 18:28

Isn't that a little mean?

TheCentralScrutinizer · 27 Sep 07 :: 19:31

And bogus? But still funny.

Chnyst · 28 Sep 07 :: 01:52

Yea, it's totally been edited, but I like that someone else has a sick, twisted mind like mine. :devil:

TheCentralScrutinizer · 28 Sep 07 :: 01:55

Maybe I'll start using him in that IMDb thread about Chris looking like that LePoof kid. Which he so does not. Some girl got pissed because I said anyone who thought that was half blind. Maybe I'll just post ol' Ray and say, "Yeah, this guy agrees!"

domesticelefant · 28 Sep 07 :: 20:13

I knoq this is mean, but ... that just gave me a good laugh. Please do that!

TheCentralScrutinizer · 16 Oct 07 :: 16:04

This is funny...

In the Future, Everyone Will be Anonymous for 15 Minutes
by Dana Kennedy
Posted October 12, 2007 | 11:22 AM (EST)
NEW YORK, Oct. 12, 2043 - Just two years after the Experiment in Anonymous Living was launched, the project director announced that a consortium of unnamed benefactors will fund the controversial project with more than $25 billion.
More than 5 million people, mostly Americans, are on the waiting list for a chance to live anonymously for fifteen minutes on the Experiment's vast land in northwestern Australia.
"I see it as a refugee camp," says founder Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, 37, in a rare telephone interview from an undisclosed location in Manhattan where she is visiting her father, actor Brad Pitt, 79, and his third wife, Suri Cruise. "Our clients are fleeing a world where there's no privacy and no secrets. They're escaping a world no one can escape - except for fifteen minutes."
During the 15-minute period, each participant in the Experiment is taken off the grid. The magnetic cords connecting them to the Internet are cut, and their entire personal and professional history expunged from The International Database. They are given a medication that temporarily erases their memory.
They are led outside where they interact with dozens of others in the same anonymous condition. Because of the prohibitive cost, subsidized by the Experiment, each person is allotted just 15 minutes. Afterward, the cords are reconnected and their recently deleted data is restored.
"It may only have been 15 minutes but it left me with a feeling of exhilaration and freedom that I've never had before," said Sean Preston Federline, 38, a project consultant and one of the first participants. "For one moment in my life, nobody knew who I was. Even I didn't know who I was."
The Experiment reports that more than a third of their clients have expressed interest in returning permanently if such an option is made possible. Ms. Jolie-Pitt, who has not been seen in public since the early 2030's, created the Experiment in Anonymous Living with a team of dozens of the world's top doctors, scientists and researchers.
"It was a no-brainer," says Jolie-Pitt, who was a magazine cover girl before the age of one. "Nobody knows this subject better than me. My childhood was one big photo op. I was the ultimate prop. And everyone blamed the paparazzi! All I can say now is - there's nothing worse than being famous."
"Shiloh's my heroine," says her adoptive brother, Pax Jolie-Pitt, 40. "She can afford the luxury of anonymity. But most people have nowhere to hide. Cameras are everywhere. Every email is recorded. But thanks to Shi, everyone has a chance to be a nobody, at least for fifteen minutes."
(Pax Jolie-Pitt was the subject of an intense international manhunt in 2018 when he disappeared from a Manhattan hotel after his parents' acrimonious divorce. It was later discovered that Pax, then 15, had never adjusted to life with his famous adoptive family and paid a stranger to smuggle him out of the U.S. and back to Vietnam. He is now the director of an orphanage outside Ho Chi Minh City but retains ties with his adoptive siblings.)
Shiloh-Jolie Pitt's mother, Angelina Jolie, 68, a former actress, is best known for pioneering a chain of attention addiction rehabilitation centers in the U.S. and Europe which flourished in the 2020's. Angelina Jolie now lives on an unidentified island somewhere off the east coast of Africa with her longtime companion, Rosie O'Donnell. The two began Mothers Against Cameras in 2030.
The Experiment for Anonymous Living's spiritual advisor is Harvey Levin, who once ran a notorious website devoted to celebrity scandal. TMZ.com was believed integral to the infamous Tragedy of 2007 that marked the beginning of the end of America's century-long obsession with fame and celebrity.
Levin left the U.S. for a rigorous course of study at a silent monastery for Buddhist monks in northern Japan in 2008. He has remained there, except for a year-long stay in Australia with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's team at the Experiment in Anonymous Living.
Two of the Experiment's possible benefactors are rumored to be four-time Oscar winner George Clooney, 82, and his wife of 34 years, Jennifer Aniston, 74. The two have not been sighted for 18 years, after buying a small archipelago believed to be off Tierra del Fuego. Aniston was an actress years ago. She created the television talent show "Anonymous Idol" which celebrates its 20th anniversary next month.

domesticelefant · 16 Oct 07 :: 20:15

:lol::lol:
When I read the part of the 79yearold Brad Pitt and Suri Cruise I had to laugh out so loud that my Dad got mad. LOL

TheCentralScrutinizer · 16 Oct 07 :: 20:58

That was my favorite part too.

domesticelefant · 16 Oct 07 :: 21:15

But the part about George Clooney and Jennifer Aniston was also funny!

TheCentralScrutinizer · 08 Nov 07 :: 17:47

This is great...

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:
1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________________
4. Problem severity:
A. ___Minor B. ___Minor C. ___Minor D. ___Trivial
5. Nature of the problem:
A. ___Locked Up B. ___Frozen C. ___Hung D. ___Strange Smell
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __
7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __
9. Have you made it worse? Yes __
10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about computers " try to fix it
for you? Yes__ No__
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __
12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe __ No__
14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself:
__________________________________________________
17. What were you doing with your computer when the problem occurred?
__________________________________________________
18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in:
___________________________________________________
19. Are you sure that you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
20. Does the clock on your VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What's a VCR?__
21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No__
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__
23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? Yes __ No__
24. Is there anyone else that you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__
25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__
26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __

magicalturkey · 08 Nov 07 :: 17:59

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I love it! People are so stupid with computers... wait... where's the plug at on my laptop? :clueless:

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 09 Nov 07 :: 06:39

Funny!!!

TheCentralScrutinizer · 28 Nov 07 :: 19:55

Not really a joke, but funny...

Ga. Man Tries to Deposit Fake $1M Bill
19 hours ago
AIKEN, S.C. (AP) — A bank teller in Clearwater had a million reasons not to open an account for an Augusta, Ga., man Monday, authorities said. Alexander D. Smith, 31, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after he walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill, said Aiken County Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Michael Frank.
The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers, Frank said.
The second forgery charge came after investigators learned Smith bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check, Frank said.
The federal government has never printed a million-dollar bill, Frank said.
Information from: Aiken Standard, http://www.aikenstandard.com

magicalturkey · 28 Nov 07 :: 20:02

A million dollar bill? Man, that's stupid.

That reminds me... few years ago a guy in Pittsburgh put a 20$ bill down on the cashiers desk at a gas station and then told the cashier to give him all the money in the cash register. The cashier did, and the guy walked out with 15 dollars from the register, leaving his 20 on the counter.

TheCentralScrutinizer · 28 Nov 07 :: 20:12

LOL! Both these guys are real Darwin Award winners, aren't they?

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 29 Nov 07 :: 04:54

People are soo stupid sometimes.

TheCentralScrutinizer · 11 Dec 07 :: 21:58

Again, not a joke, but still funny, especially the comments after the article:

http://consumerist.com/consumer/trends/ … 332085.php

TeeJay · 11 Dec 07 :: 23:52

Man, people are crazy! So, what's Talkin' Jesus say?

JESUS: How blest are those who know that He's a god. How blest are the sorrowful. They shall find consolation. How blest are those of gentle spirit. They shall have the earth for their possession. How blest are those who hunger and thirst to see right prevail. They shall be satisfied. How blest are those whose hearts are pure. They shall see God...

MANDY: Speak up!

MAN: Shh.

BRIAN: Quiet, Mum.

Always a classic. Big Nose!

-TeeJay

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 12 Dec 07 :: 05:51

That joke involving Jesus is hilarious!

TheCentralScrutinizer · 13 Dec 07 :: 00:43

From the people who brought you the Talking Jesus doll, here's more talking, um, stuff...

http://www.236.com/news/2007/12/11/talk … 1_2885.php

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 13 Dec 07 :: 05:57

There's talking Jesus dolls? Crazy!

TheCentralScrutinizer · 20 Dec 07 :: 17:34

Not a joke, but very, very funny:

http://www.rense.com/general79/jcpenny.htm

magicalturkey · 20 Dec 07 :: 17:42

Combined with what I saw on The Brady Bunch, the 70s were a terrifying time. I want the barrel kitchen set though...

Chris Marquette Message Board

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