Joke Of The Day

TheCentralScrutinizer · 20 Dec 07 :: 19:18

Actually, the 70's were pretty awesome. I know because I was there. But we did have burnt orange shag carpet in our apartment when I was a kid.

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 20 Dec 07 :: 21:07

The 70's were wayy different. I can tell you that much.

TheCentralScrutinizer · 27 Dec 07 :: 00:39

Not a joke, but it sure made me laugh!

Jessica Simpson Sets Box-office Record
Jessica Simpson may also have set a record at the box office. Her latest film, Blonde Ambition, co-starring Luke Wilson, took in just $1,190 over the weekend. True, it was shown in only eight Texas theaters, but that's still an average of less than $50 per theater per day, meaning about six people showed up to see it in each location each day. On his TV Guide Online blog, film critic Ken Fox asked, "Doesn't someone like Jessica Simpson have more than 48 friends? What about that big Texas family of hers? ... Just how bad is this thing anyway?"

Source: Studio Briefing Today

magicalturkey · 27 Dec 07 :: 02:02

I actually looked up the lowest box office record, it was a Katherine Heigle movie who's name I can't even remember. It made $30.

TheCentralScrutinizer · 27 Dec 07 :: 03:04

Now that's just sad. Must be pre-Grey's fame.

magicalturkey · 27 Dec 07 :: 03:20

Nope, it was actually released in late 2006. The morons who made it only released it in one theater and did zero advertising, thinking it would amaze at Sundance.... it didn't. Did I mention it cost 2.5 million to make?

TheCentralScrutinizer · 27 Dec 07 :: 03:23

Geez! Well, you know, a movie can't exactly make money if you don't, you know, release it and promote it and junk.

magicalturkey · 27 Dec 07 :: 03:35

Well, I know that. You'd think people who were actually in the business would know that too. And another thing I know, if you don't plan to do a wide release don't hire one of the most in-demand and possibly expensive actresses around. That's probably what threw them into that 2 million dollar hole they dug themselves. I hope they used pretty gold shovels.

TheCentralScrutinizer · 27 Dec 07 :: 03:56

Yep.

Dude! Can you come to YM and help me with FFN?

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 27 Dec 07 :: 07:55

I love Jessica Simpson!!! : ]

TheCentralScrutinizer · 28 Jan 08 :: 18:51

Real ads from the past...

You guys won't believe these. Especially what they suggest women use Lysol for! Can you say YOUCH!?!?

http://www.rense.com/general80/ads.htm

TheCentralScrutinizer · 01 Feb 08 :: 19:17

Look at those eyes. Doesn't he look like Puss In Boots? So cute!

http://bix.yimg.com/images/Ym3EC6sV7G.jpg

domesticelefant · 01 Feb 08 :: 22:46

I eated it?

magicalturkey · 07 Feb 08 :: 02:11

My mom showed me this joke, I love it. It's a bit long though.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies!

TheCentralScrutinizer · 07 Feb 08 :: 02:12

LOL!

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 27 Feb 08 :: 00:55

This isn't a joke but it's really funny! Watch this vid on youtube, it's insanely funny!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNK2L8-V5dQ

Last edited by BiggestChrisMarquetteFan (27 Feb 08 :: 00:55)

magicalturkey · 27 Feb 08 :: 01:31

That's gonna give me nightmares now :doh:

notsofairytale · 27 Feb 08 :: 05:13

How did I know that video was going to be something in relation to "Soulja Boy"? Haha. Asian people have too much time in their hands.. Just look at me ;/ Anyway, I'll have to come back to this thread with something funny because I seriously feel unfunny by not contributing. Hmmm... jokes, jokes..

TheCentralScrutinizer · 17 Mar 08 :: 19:57

Not a joke, but funny stuff...

Top 10 Things Not To Do In Interviews
3-15-8
NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Hear the one about the job candidate who brushed her hair during an interview? Or the man who sniffed his armpits on the way into the interview room?

They may sound like jokes but these are two of the top 10 gaffes to feature in an annual survey of the most outrageous interview mistakes by candidates compiled by online job site CareerBuilder.com.

The list, based on a survey of 3,061 U.S. hiring managers and human resources professionals by research company Harris Interactive, found the top 10 most outrageous mistakes were:

- Candidate answered cell phone and asked the interviewer to leave her own office because it was a "private" conversation.

- Candidate told the interviewer he wouldn't be able to stay with the job long because he thought he might get an inheritance if his uncle died -- and his uncle wasn't "looking too good."

- Candidate asked the interviewer for a ride home after the interview.

- Candidate smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room.

- Candidate said she could not provide a writing sample because all of her writing had been for the CIA and it was "classified."

- Candidate told the interviewer he was fired for beating up his last boss.

- When an applicant was offered food before the interview, he declined saying he didn't want to line his stomach with grease before going out drinking.

- A candidate for an accounting position said she was a "people person" not a "numbers person."

- Candidate flushed the toilet while talking to interviewer during phone interview.

- Candidate took out a hair brush and brushed her hair.

As well as asking about the most unusual blunders, employers were also asked about the most common and detrimental mistakes candidates made during an interview.

More than half -- 51 percent -- said dressing inappropriately was the biggest mistake a candidate could make in an interview.

Talking negatively about a current or previous employer came in second at 49 percent and third in the list at 48 percent was appearing disinterested.

Other mistakes included appearing arrogant, not providing specific answers, and not asking good questions.

"If a candidate is overly negative, plays the blame game, is easily frazzled or doesn't come prepared, it usually sends up a red flag for employers, " said Career Builder.com spokeswoman Rosemary Haefner.

Writing by Belinda Goldsmith, Editing by Patricia Reaney

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 18 Mar 08 :: 00:26

That's really funny and pathetic since all those things have really happened. People are weird! = ]

magicalturkey · 31 Mar 08 :: 18:59

This probably isn't supposed to be funny, but it is. Some child molestor is saying that he was molested now... by bigfoot. Ohhh-kay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX1DaIjrhRU

TheCentralScrutinizer · 31 Mar 08 :: 19:13

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

TeeJay · 31 Mar 08 :: 19:17

There's only one appropriate response: Dee dee dee!

-TeeJay

TheCentralScrutinizer · 31 Mar 08 :: 19:30

That's a perfect response.

domesticelefant · 31 Mar 08 :: 19:38

Poor deedee! LOL

Chris Marquette Message Board

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