#1 29 Jul 09 :: 07:34

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Ok, so this is my very first fan fic, I'm no way near done, I just did kinda like the growing process through the first year. It's really long, mainly a bunch of convos, some of it probably doesn't make sense and sways away from their characters a little bit( I tried to continue from Teejay and Deb's fan fic). Please be nice, I'm open to suggestions and want to hear opinions.

C:\Documents and Settings\Owner\Local S … \wpdoc.htm

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#2 29 Jul 09 :: 09:59

TeeJay
Admin Dorquette™
From: Germany
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 10,412

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

You included a link to your own computer, which of course doesn't work for any of us. Can you upload the document online somewhere? Maybe get an account with fanfiction.net?

-TeeJay


"Sometimes I think the human species is programmed to look at the bright side of every disaster."
-- David Sandström, ReGenesis

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#3 29 Jul 09 :: 15:23

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

You don't have to upload anything.  Just copy and paste it into a post like I do mine...

http://www.chris-marquette.com/forum/vi … php?id=759


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#4 29 Jul 09 :: 19:00

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Ahh Crap sorry ok here it is.:embarrassed:

Rating-Borderline R for language


It's been six months since Tally's death.

Tally, is that you? Tally, wait where are you going? Watch out!!!!!

"Fuck, same stupid dream!"

David plopped back down onto his bed.

"David get up! You're going to be late for school"

"Screw school, I need a fucking break, I can't handle all of this shit!"

"I know it's hard  honey, but you can't miss any more school so get up!

"Ugh go away!" David reluctantly got out of bed, got dressed, and ate breakfast.

Lockers-At School

"Hey Mouse"

"Hey David, how are you?"

"Fucking miserable, had the same dream AGAIN!"

"Aww I'm sorry David....."

"It's whatever, I just wish it would be different or something, it's always her appearing out of thin air
and then slowly fading away,  I always wake up right when she gets hit by the truck, or falls off
something, it always ends the same . . .  God, I miss her, it wasn't her time at all, how could it be? I
don't understand . . . " David slouched into his locker.

Touching his shoulder "I know, I miss her too, and I have no fucking clue how it could be her time, but
we better go to class I'll see you at lunch." Mouse walked off to class.

"Later" David said under his breath.

The day dragged on, they always do, now, everyday is the same it's become a stupid routine, it seems
that I'm living in black and white, depressing, morbid, dammit this sucks.

Lunch

Eating a ham and cheese sandwich, "Hey"

"We should skip the rest of our classes and get out of this hell"

"I'm down with that"

They left campus and headed to David's house, Janet would be at work till late, once again.

"Ooo hold up, I wanna get a drink" Mouse ran into the convenience store with David following behind her.

"Hmm orange or grape?"

Ding, another customer came in, a bigger guy with a jacket and hat on, asked for cigarettes and reached
into his jacket.

David flipped out and pushed Mouse.

"Get Down"!

"David, what?"

"Sir, are you okay?"

The customer pulled out his wallet, paid for his cigarettes, and left the store looking confused.

"I...I'm... sorry",  David ran out of the store.

"David, wait! Hold on", Mouse hurried up to him grabbing his arm.

"It's ok! I get it, just calm down, everything is ok".

"How can you say everything is ok? Tally was shot in cold blood for no reason at all! That's not ok! She
was on her way to my house, I... God, why did I...." David started to cry.

"David, there's nothing you could have done, don't blame yourself, I was busy off hanging with Ike and I
didn't even think to . . .  There are so many circumstances that could have, should have changed, but
they didn't, it happened, it sucks! But all we can do now is live for her".

"... They say time heals everything, but what are we supposed to do in the mean time? My heart hurts
every second, I have a lump in my throat, I barely get any sleep, my mom tries to help me but nothing works."

"There's no magical pill we can take to get rid of these feelings, I wish there was trust me, but we have
each other, we need to be there for each other" Mouse was now crying as well.

They sat on the curb crying for a couple of hours, eventually their tears ran lower and lower until they
stopped crying.

"Tally would think we're such losers for crying like this!" Mouse stood up wiping her tears away.

" Yeah, your right... She wouldn't want us to be like this, she'd probably smack me."

Laughing" Yea"

They walked to David's house reminiscing and laughing.

It was then that David realized he wasn't alone in this fucked up world, he had one person who
understood him better than anyone and he was grateful..

Anniversary:(

"Today is going to blow" David put his jacket on and grabbed the flowers.

Walking to the cemetery with Mouse.

Silence

"Things have been getting better and then this stupid day comes along . . .  now I feel just as shitty as
before" He stopped walking and sat down on the curb.

Sigh "I know, It will be like this on this day for a really long time, that's just how it is, so lets go see
Tally."

They walk over to Tally's grave and set their flowers on her tombstone. Mouse kneels down and tells Tally
that she loves her, misses her, and that she's helping David deal, she then lets David have his moment
with Tally.

"Oh Tally, I can't believe it's been a year. . . Do you think we would have dated? I think we would have, I
think we'd still be dating and I would have told you I loved you . . .  I loved you at first sight . . .  Yea,
sounds gay or whatever but it's true. You are so beautiful and kind, you didn't judge me and that meant
a lot, Thank you for that". He grabbed her picture that was sitting on the tombstone and kissed his
finger to the picture. "I'll never forget you and I'll always love you."

"Ready to go, David?"

"Yea, I feel a lot better, let's go back to my place"

"Can Emma and Eric come too?"

"Uh. . . Yea, I guess"

David's House

"Emma, Eric, This is David."

"Hi" Emma said sheepishly.

"Yo" Eric sat down on the couch grabbing a soda.

"Hi" David scratched his head and joined everyone on the couch watching tv.

"So, Emma are you new?"

"Yea, I just moved here about a month ago, I have Mouse in my Bio class"

"Cool"

Emma nodded

"Well I gotta go, nice meeting you David" Eric stood up stretching and yawning.

"I'll walk you out" Mouse followed after him.

"So, Mouse told me about Tally"

David nodded

"She seemed really cool, I'm sorry"

"Yea, she was, thanks"

Awkward Silence.

"Come on Emma we better get going" Emma headed towards the door with Mouse

"I'll see you tomorrow David" Mouse hugged him and walked to her car.

"Nice meeting you again" Emma went for a hug and David stuck out his hand, so it was kinda a
shake/hug. Weird.

"Bye" David closed the door and went back to watching tv thinking about Emma.

Hmm, she was nice, kinda cute too, nice brunette, blue eyes, and petite build. Is it too soon to like
someone? I was just at Tally's grave earlier I can't be thinking about other chicks already can I? Ahh I
don't know. . .

"Hi, Honey"

"Hi, mom"

"Are you ok?"

"Yea, I'll be fine, today was tough but what can I expect?" David went to his room

"Ok honey, I'm here if you want to talk"

"Ok"

At school-lockers

"David this weekend we are going to see that new movie wanna come"

"Sure, Mouse"

"Emma and Eric are coming too. . . "

"Oo ok that's cool"

"Mouse?"

"Yea"

". . .  Never mind"

"You're acting weird, what's up?"

"It's nothing I'll see you later"

Lunch

"What was up with you earlier?"

"I need to talk to about something"

"Yea, ok"

"Hi, Emma" Mouse got up to hug Emma.

"Hey guys, this school really sucks"

Laughing "Yea"

"So, David you wanted to tell me something?"

"Uhh never mind I'll tell you later"

Emma felt vert out of place, they all sat there eating their lunch.

Cough "Sooo, Em, you're still cool with movies this Friday right?"

"Umm, Yea sure."

Later that day at Mouse's house

"Yo, Mouse"

"David in here"

"Oo Hi, Eric"

"Whats up?"

David sat down at the table feeling anxious and impatient to talk to Mouse.

"Ok I'm out" Eric left, Mouse walked him to the door kissing him goodbye.

"You're with that douche?"

"He's nice!"

"Yea"

"What's your problem"

"How long. . . I Mean. . . Is it ok for me to. . . "

"Spit it out"

"I love Tally and I'm just wondering, I don't know"

"You like Emma?"

"No. . .  I don't know? I'm just fucking confused I don't know"

"Oo, I got it, you're worried about being in love with Tally and how long until you should like someone
else right?

"Basically"

"Well, there's no right answer, It's been a year and I think you'll be ready to love or like someone when
you're ready, which might be now, it won't hurt to at least be nice to her."

David rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, I'm serious, Just see how things go Friday but be nice."

Sigh "Ok, fine, But I. . .  Kinda feel like a dick/asshole for having these feelings"

"You can't control your hormones David, you've had time to cope, I think you're ready to date, you will
always love Tally, but she doesn't expect you to be celibate the rest of your life, come on now"

"I guess you're right, ok so back to this Eric guy"

"David go home" Mouse walked David to the door laughing.

Friday at school

"Hey David"

"Hey Mo- O Emma, hey"

"So you're still coming tonight?"

"Yea, I haven't seen a movie in awhile so I figured why not?"

"Ok cool, Then I'll see you tonight"

"Tonight"

Emma walked away messing with her hair, obviously flirting with him, but David is clueless.

The theater, greeting each other.

"Mouse"

"David"

"Eric"

"Where's Emma" David looked around and no Emma in sight.

"She text she'd be a little late, trying to make you worry" Mouse teased

"O"

Emma walked in wearing jeans, converses, and a shirt showing a little midriff. She looked gorgeous with
her wavy hair and big blue eyes.

"H-i-I"

"Hey everyone"

"Let's go we are late!"

Mouse took Eric's arm and pushed Emma and David in the theater. They sat Emma, David, Mouse, and
Eric. Mouse and Eric made out for most of the movie making David and Emma feel very uncomfortable.

"Want something to eat or drink" David whispered

"I'm good thanks"

Great, this is so awkward, why did I come, I blame Mouse.

"This movie sucks" Emma turned in her seat

"Yea, wanna go get something now?"

"Yea"

They left the theater, got popcorn and a drink.

"Please let's not go back in there"

"Ok, wanna just sit here and talk"

Emma nodded

They talked awhile laughing and joking around at one point Emma touched his arm and he recoiled
immediately, she back off and it went quiet.

"David?"

"I-i-I. . . I'm sorry"

"It's ok, just tell me what's going on"

"Umm, well I'm feeling really weird right now, You're really cute and nice and everything, it's just. . . ."

"Oo ok I get it, you just wanna be friends, that's cool"

"For now at least"

"No no I totally get it for real it's cool"

"Guys you missed the movie"

"So did both of you" Emma made fun.

Lol "The movie sucked anyways you didn't miss much, let's go!" David led the way out to the car.

"Bye Mouse, bye Eric"

"Later guys"

David drove Emma to her house and they parked outside

"Tonight was interesting, but I had fun" Emma took off her seatbelt

"Yea, me too"

"Ok, goodnight" Emma went to hug David

"Umm Emma" David pulled back.

"David friends hug"

"Yea" He hugged her and he had to admit he liked hugging her and being close to her.

David drove home

"Did you have a nice time"

"Yea, mom"

"Who all went again?"

"Just some friends mom, I'm going to bed, night"

"O ok honey, goodnight"

David laid in bed that night and decided he liked Emma, he knew he wouldn't love again for a long time
but until then he could date and have fun.

That next week he asked Emma out, she hesitated at first but said yes. They then dated for 6 months, he was being a normal teenager getting into a little trouble getting caught making out in his car and what not, living life. Even though he really liked Emma he could never tell her he loved her, it was still too soon and only one girl had his heart completely.

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#5 30 Jul 09 :: 07:52

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan
Supreme Dorquette
From: Marilyn Mansons tourbus
Registered: 13 Jun 07
Posts: 4,938

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Great job on the fanfic. I love it!


I met Marilyn Manson/Twiggy Ramirez 10/25/12! & Twiggy 2/9/14
Mel.jpg 2ylsbih.jpg
I met Otep and One Eyed Doll 8/30/12, Kathleen Hanna 10/30/11 Lacuna Coil 4.24 mars 9.27 miw 11.6

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#6 30 Jul 09 :: 20:57

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Thank you!

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#7 30 Jul 09 :: 21:36

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Very nice.  I like that David and Mouse are just very good friends.  I think that's more likely what would happen.  Let's put an R rating on for language though, OK?  I'll take care of that.


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#8 31 Jul 09 :: 01:40

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

O yea sorry a/b that. Thanks!

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#9 31 Jul 09 :: 02:36

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

No worries.  You didn't know.  We just have to be careful because we do have young teens visit us here sometimes.  big_smile


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#10 31 Jul 09 :: 02:41

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Oh ok.:)

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#11 31 Jul 09 :: 03:00

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

I'm actually a LOT less concerned about just having a few naughty words in a fic like yours than I am about the stuff I write, which is often very smutty.  :embarrassed:


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#12 31 Jul 09 :: 03:49

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

lol! That's the good stuff to read.

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#13 31 Jul 09 :: 04:37

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

If you think so, seriously, I can't shamelessly plug Butterflies enough.  It is really sexy and romantic and sweet and (we hope), just what A/J shippers would want for our favorite couple.  And it's a wee bit better than your average fic, too, if I do say so myself.  Someone wanna back me up here?  Anyone...?  Buehler?


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#14 01 Aug 09 :: 03:14

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

I will totally check it out:)

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#15 01 Aug 09 :: 03:30

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

I'm not encouraging you to read it out of ego, I promise.  I just think you'll like it.  Especially when you get to chapter 4.  And especially, especially if you love sweet smut like some of us here do.  smile


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#16 01 Aug 09 :: 04:04

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

No, I really am looking forward to it, I'm not being sarcastic at all, I know it's kinda hard to tell but I'm sincere.

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#17 01 Aug 09 :: 04:11

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

I know you mean it.  I just fell kinda icky pushing it on people.  wink


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#18 01 Aug 09 :: 04:25

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Not at all, the fan fics I've read have been breathtaking, and Butterflies sounds sexy so best of both worlds!

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#19 01 Aug 09 :: 04:47

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

There are lots of other great A/J fics out there too.  Anything on FFN by "Name Withheld" is going to be stellar.  I think there's a recommendation thread on here somewhere if you want to find some good ones...


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#20 01 Aug 09 :: 04:48

TheCentralScrutinizer
La Dorquetta de Prima
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 21,558
Website

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)


Deb,
Your Fairy Chrismother.  Keeper of Keith's leather wristband.  Keeper of Pocket Anomalies.  WWAJD?
REPORT BROKEN LINKS info@chris-marquette.com  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho … ef=profile 
Wanna talk to President Obama?  http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/  Close Gitmo/Open Cuba.
Clueless.jpg

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#21 01 Aug 09 :: 09:50

TeeJay
Admin Dorquette™
From: Germany
Registered: 23 Jul 06
Posts: 10,412

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Our JoA fanfic recommendations are also all linked on the website in the Joan of Arcadia - Fan Fiction section.

-TeeJay


"Sometimes I think the human species is programmed to look at the bright side of every disaster."
-- David Sandström, ReGenesis

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#22 02 Aug 09 :: 02:34

taylor_27
Member
Registered: 14 Jul 09
Posts: 150

Re: American Gun (Rated R for adult language)

Cool thanks.

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