People that should never meet each other

TeeJay · 10 Aug 06 :: 18:54

I copied this over from the message board at christopher-marquette.com because it's just too funny.

Okay, so the username Eli Rove (on the other message board) got me thinking.... what if, in a totally twisted Joaniverse, Adam had an identical twin named Eil Rove? I can think up a couple of scenarios that will hopefully make you smile:

So, let's assume for a moment that Eli doesn't go to the same school Adam, Joan and Grace do. Joan knows about him, but doesn't know him in person yet. One night, she goes to visit Adam at home (this would be her first time there).

INT. ROVE RESIDENCE, EARLY EVENING.

Joan turns up at Adam's house, they go to Adam's room. Eli comes out of his room as Adam and Joan are just about to enter Adam's.

ELI: Hey, bro, what's up?
ADAM: Eli, hi.
ELI: So, who's the hot chick? (points at Joan)
ADAM: (stammering slightly) Oh, uh, this ... this is Jane.
ELI: Jane, huh? (smiles at Joan) I'm Eli.
JOAN: Well, it's Joan actually. Nice to meet you.
Joan holds out her hand. They shake hands.
ELI: (frowns) Which is it now, Joan or Jane?
JOAN: It's Joan. Your brother calls me Jane. Why, I don't know. You'd have to ask him.
ELI: (shrugs) Nah, not going there. He's a weirdo. It's what he does.
At that moment, there's TV noises coming out of Eli's room, loud moaning and something that sounds like whiplashes and fragments of words like "Oh! Yeah, baby!"
ADAM: (to Joan, blushing slightly) So... okay. Uhm, come on in.
Adam opens the door to his room and lets Joan enter first. Once she's inside, Eli takes Adam by the upper arm, holding him back for a moment.
ELI: So, you gonna bang her?
ADAM: (sighs) Eli...
ELI: (holds up his hands akin to a defensive gesture) Okay, okay. I'm just sayin'...
ADAM: Do me a favor and turn that down. And don't snoop around, okay?
ELI: Okay, sure, you got it.
Adam goes into his room. Joan gives him a sheepish smile.
JOAN: That's not ... (points in the direction of Eli's room) what I think it is, is it?
ADAM: Oh. Uhm... Well, he's got this thing for ... uh...
JOAN: Porn?
ADAM: Look, I know it's kinda embarrassing, but, yeah. I mean, he's a nice guy and all...
JOAN: Hey, don't worry about it. It's cool. He and Friedman would become fast friends, don't you think?

Or Adam and Eli in the shed:

INT. ROVE'S SHED, SATURDAY AFTERNOON.

This is not the shed's interior the way we know it. It's still the same shed, there's just a lot of video equipment around, two TV sets, a computer and several tripods and two video cameras in the front part of the room. The back is still the workbench with lots of artsy stuff around. Eli is fumbling around with one of the video cameras, sitting on a stool in front of his TV. Adam comes in, walking to the back of the room to where his workbench is at which he usually does his art.

As Adam approaches his workbench, we see that there are video tapes littered on it. Adam picks a tape up, holding it in Eli's face.

ADAM: Eli, how often do you have to tell you not to put this smut with my art.
ELI: Chill, dude. It's just porn, okay?
ADAM: It's embarrassing. Not to mention inappropriate. What if Jane comes here and sees all this?
ELI: (knowingly) Oooooh, Jane. Now I see. You really like this girl, huh?
ADAM: (impatiently) Yeah, I like this girl. Could we give it a rest already?
ELI: (winks at Adam) So, have you... you know? (makes a fist with one hand and slaps the palm of his other hand against the thumb and index finger area a few times)
ADAM: I don't see how that's any of your business.
ELI: Aw, come on. I mean, it's the logical thing to do, right?
ADAM: For you, maybe.
ELI: Hey, come on, you don't wanna tell me that you haven't thought about it. I mean, she's hot. She's totally into you, so what are you waiting for?
He gives Adam a good natured slap on the shoulder. Adam looks annoyed for a moment, then he narrows his eyes, looking at Eli inquisitively.
ADAM: How do you know she's into me?
ELI: Hey, man, it's totally obvious. Don't tell me you didn't notice the way she looks at you. Seriously, you're some piece of work. She's, like, so into you.
ADAM: (repeats to himself) She's into me. (looks at Eli) So, what do I do?
ELI: You have to ask? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!

-TeeJay

domesticelefant · 15 Aug 06 :: 14:29

Yeah, they better should never meet. LOL

TheCentralScrutinizer · 15 Aug 06 :: 16:04

TeeJay, do you have that James/Barbara Hall thing I sent you? This is the thread for that was well. can you post it here for me?

Deb

TeeJay · 15 Aug 06 :: 21:53

Here's what Deb sent to me by e-mail the other day. It's about the bad writing in "Trial and Error" and Deb having a real hard time with the assassination of Adam as a character in that episode:

Barbara Hall strolls down the corridor at Television City (where CBS has their offices). Suddenly, she's jumped from behind and knocked to the floor. Beside her ear, she feels the hot breath and hears the low, menacing voice of a stranger.

James: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
BH: Um, going to the soda machine?
James: Yeah, well, I've got some questions for you and your answers better be good.
BH: Could you let me up first?

The young stranger steps off and lets Barbara drag herself up. She eyes him cautiously.

BH: You look familiar.
James: Well, I don't come here often and I'm sure a million guys look like me.
BH: Well, maybe just this one guy.
James: That's what I'm here to talk to you about. You fucked with my friend and now I'm gonna exact my revenge. It is Biblical what I'm gonna do to you.
BH: I have no idea what you're talking about.
James: You will...

-TeeJay

domesticelefant · 15 Aug 06 :: 22:02

Ok, normally I`d say "Poor Barbara" ... but THIS is just HILARIOUS! LOL

TheCentralScrutinizer · 16 Aug 06 :: 16:30

I'd like to continue with James's torture of BH sometime. Right now, I'm not fuming like I was about a week ago so maybe I'll let it ride for a while. Just watched Jump last night so I have a good taste in my mouth today and I don't wanna spoil it and fall into another funk.

Deb

TheCentralScrutinizer · 16 Nov 06 :: 04:41

These characters should never meet...

Keith Stratten and ANY of Chris's other characters:

He'd convince Adam to permanently give up Joan for Bonnie because she puts out.

He'd convice David that smoking pot would relieve his grief and misery.

He'd get Mike and Eli laid by girls so skanky they'd get STDs.

But James would get Biblical on his ass.

Deb

domesticelefant · 16 Nov 06 :: 13:25

LMAO

TeeJay · 16 Nov 06 :: 14:18

LOL! Yeah, well, I'll have to judge that after I've seen Keith myself, but I totally believe you.

-TeeJay

TeeJay · 16 Nov 06 :: 21:48

Keith would also probably call Travis a sissy and then take him to one of Johnny's parties to show him what real fun is, right?

-TeeJay

domesticelefant · 16 Nov 06 :: 21:51

Yeah, that would probably happen. We should add Travis to the list.

TheCentralScrutinizer · 17 Nov 06 :: 00:36

I thought about that but I couldn't come up with anything for Travis. I don't think he'd have anything to do with Keith. And if he did, Jimmy would just have to kill Johnny's whole posse, wouldn't he?

Deb

domesticelefant · 17 Nov 06 :: 17:19

Yeah, he probably would. That's too much work, huh?

BiggestChrisMarquetteFan · 11 Aug 07 :: 07:49

I love this fanfic!!!! I just decided to write my own. I might even post it on the message board.

Chris Marquette Message Board

#1 10 Aug 06 :: 18:54

People that should never meet each other

#2 15 Aug 06 :: 14:29

Re: People that should never meet each other

#3 15 Aug 06 :: 16:04

Re: People that should never meet each other

#4 15 Aug 06 :: 21:53

Re: People that should never meet each other

#5 15 Aug 06 :: 22:02

Re: People that should never meet each other

#6 16 Aug 06 :: 16:30

Re: People that should never meet each other

#7 16 Nov 06 :: 04:41

Re: People that should never meet each other

#8 16 Nov 06 :: 13:25

Re: People that should never meet each other

#9 16 Nov 06 :: 14:18

Re: People that should never meet each other

#10 16 Nov 06 :: 21:48

Re: People that should never meet each other

#11 16 Nov 06 :: 21:51

Re: People that should never meet each other

#12 17 Nov 06 :: 00:36

Re: People that should never meet each other

#13 17 Nov 06 :: 17:19

Re: People that should never meet each other

#14 11 Aug 07 :: 07:49

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